Big Talk

During Slavery time two ole niggers wuz talkin' 'an' one said tuh de other one, "Ole Massa made me so mad yistiddy till Ah give'im uh good cussin' out. Man, Ah called 'im everthing wid uh handle on it."
De other one says, "You didn't cuss Ole Massa, didja? Good God! Whut did he do tuh you?"
"He didn't do nothing', an' man, Ah laid one cussin' on 'im! Ah'm uh man lak dis, Ah won't stan' no hunchin'. Ah betcha he won't bother me no mo'."
"Well, if you cussed 'im an' he didn't do nothin' tuh you, de nex' time he make me mad Ah'm going' tuh lay uh hearin' on hiim."
Nex' day de nigger did somethin'. Ole Massa got in behind 'im and he turnt'round and' give Ole Massa one good cussin' an Ole Massa had 'im took down and whipped nearly tuh death. Nex' time he saw dat other nigger he says tuh'im. "Thought you tole me, you cussed Ole Massa out and he never opened his mouf."
"Ah did."
"Well, how come he never did nothing' tuh yuh? Ah did it an' he came nigh uh killin' me.
"Man, you didn't go cuss'im tuh his face, didja?"
"Sho Ah did. Ain't dat whut you toel me you done?"
"Naw, Ah didn't say Ah cussed 'im tuh his face. You sho is crazy. Ah thought you had mo' sense than dat. When Ah cussed Ole Massa he wuz settin' on de front porch an Ah wuz down at the de big gate."
De other nigger wuz mad but he didn't let on. Way after while he 'proached de nigger dat got 'im de beatin' an' tole 'im., "Know whut Ah done tuhday?"
"Naw, whut you done? Give Ole Massa another cussin'?"
"Naw, Ah ain't never goin' to do dat no mo'. Ah peeped up under Ole Miss's clothes!"
"Yes, Ah did too. Ah looked right up her very drawers."
"You better hush dat talk! Somebody goin' hear you and Ole Massa'll have you kilt."
"Well, Ah sho done it an' she never done nothn' neither."
"Well, whut did she say?"
"Not uh mumblin' word, an' Ah stopped and looked jus' as long as Ah wanted tuh an' went on 'bout mah business."
"Well, de next time Ah see her sittin' out on de porch Ah'm going tuh look too."
"Help yo'self."
Dat very day Ole Miss wuz settin' out on de porch in the cool of the evenin' all dressed up in her starchy white clothes. She had her legs all crossed up and de nigger walked up tuh de edge uh de porch and peeped up under Ole Miss's clothes. She took and hollored an' Ole Massa come out an' had dat nigger almost kilt alive.
When he was able tuh be 'bout again he said tuh de nigger; "Thought you tole me you peeped up under Ole Miss's drawers?"
"Ah sho did."
"Well, how come she never done nothin' tuh you? She got me nearly kilt."
"Man, when Ah looked under Ole Miss's drawers they wuz hangin' out on de clothes line. You didn't go look up in'em while she had'em on, didja? You sho is uh fool! Ah thought you had mo sense than dat, Ah claire Ah did. It's un wonder he didn't kill yuh dead. Umph, umph, umph. You sho ain't got no sense atall."

Zora Neale Hurston. The Norton Anthology of African American Literature by Henry Louis Gates, Jr, General Editor and Nellie Y. McKay, General Editor. "Folktales," Mules and Men (1935). New York: W. W. Norton & Company, 105-106 Note the deliberate [satire] of the white "Massa" by the [superficial] respectful "nigger."